


You Are The Salt In My Blood

by LookIntoMyTelescope



Series: Nikolay Is Here AU [2]
Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Nikolay is the smartest and he's way more intelligent than anatole, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, This is trash, angsty but a bit, but not an actual one like attempt, first fanfic, i'm setting this in a weirdly americanized russia so don't judge heck, idk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-12
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-01 05:17:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12698127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LookIntoMyTelescope/pseuds/LookIntoMyTelescope
Summary: Basically, this is a collection of unrelated oneshots, but idk some might be multi chapter. There's Sonyamary, Andrierretasha, Danatole (Like a lil bit), and Marlene. Also this is like two years after the events of Great Comet, and there are War and Peace characters in this, like Nikolay Bolkonsky bc we need a child in this fanfic dammit.





	1. New Photo Message From Saucy Sonya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Helene and Mary go clothes shopping and Helene is mischevious and it gets pretty spicy my dudes.  
> //Past abuse mention, a lil angst, and a lil bit of sexiness but nothing rated R... Yet.

“H-Hélène?”

The older woman looked up from her phone, and right into the eyes of a blushing, wide eyed Mary.

“Wow, Sonya’s going to melt into a puddle when she sees you, Maryushka. Just look at those curves!”

“Do I really look that good, Lenya? I mean, I’m not much to look at in the first place, I just don’t know if she’ll like-”

“- Mary, look at me” Mary looked at Hélène, fixating more on the stray curl on the woman’s forehead then her eyes.

“Eye contact, Marya!” Hélène insisted, louder. Mary looked at her nose instead, and took a deep breath in. Hélène continued.

“You need to stop tearing yourself down, darling. I know it’s hard, but you need to know that Sonya loves you, whether you’re wearing those ugly, shapeless things your father made you wear, or this gorgeous lingerie that your _amazing_ friend helped you pick out.”

Mary giggled at Hélène’s cockiness. She wished she could be half as confident as her.

“Besides, I didn’t pick this out for her to enjoy, she already enjoys you enough. I picked this because I want you to feel desirable, and some people need to see themselves look good to believe that someone would want them like that.”

“But I don’t look that good. I just look...plain? Wearing lace and bows doesn’t change that. Sonya deserves someone that is just as gorgeous as her. She deserves someone like Nikolai. I don’t know why she would leave him for me,” Mary shook her head, holding back tears.

“Marya, not to alarm you, but you sound like your father. Even when he’s dead and buried, the man still gets in your head. You outlasted the bastard, the least you can do is live happily with the love of your life,”

Hélène was totally right. Her father had just passed away, and Mary wanted to live her life freely. Her father had wanted her to live and die alone in Bald Hills, so Mary strived to do the opposite now that he was gone. She sold that empty, old house and moved into a small apartment in the heart of Moscow. She got engaged to her loving girlfriend, Sonya Rostova, a girl her father definitely never approved of. _She’s all the same as the rest of those careless, stupid Rostovs, except this one’s completely destitute. Are you sure she doesn’t just want my money? How else could she want someone so plain and meek?_ Mary huffed at her late father’s words echoing through her head. That happened whenever she did something she knew he would disapprove of. _Marya, why would you sell your home? I gave that house for you to live in, you ungrateful little-_ Mary shook off his words before she could hear the obscenities, before she could see the empty wineglass fly towards her head, before she could feel the glass shatter against her-

“Mary, are you with me? We have to be back before dinner or Marya will be angry with me, and you know I can’t sleep in Anatole’s apartment again, the boys are so noisy, and the walls are so thin.”

Mary nodded slowly, grimacing slightly at the thought of hearing Dolokhov and Anatole do anything through a wall.

“Yes, I’m here. So should I buy this? I still don’t know if it looks good.”

Hélène grabbed Mary’s phone out of the pocket of her coat, and opened it. The background was a picture of Sonya in bed, sleeping peacefully, her auburn hair spread messily across her face and the pillow. Hélène smiled slightly at such an adorable photo, and opened Mary’s snapchat.

“Smile, Mary!” Mary whipped around, a bit startled, but smiled widely as Hélène took the picture, completely unaware she was still in the delicate grey underthings that accentuated her figure nicely. Once she took the photograph, Hélène started grinning mischievously. Mary watched wearily, as Hélène typed for a bit, then took a screenshot of it and hit send.

“Did you send that to Anatole to get his opinion?”

Hélène snickered, opened the gallery on her phone and pulled the screenshot up. She gave Mary back her phone. Mary’s eyes widened in horror. The photo was of her with that stupid grin in her matching grey bralette and boyshorts, with the caption _Preview of tonight, can’t wait for you to take this off of me ;)._

Mary sank down to the floor of the dressing room, phone still in hand, shaking slightly in shock.

“Are you okay?” Hélène said playfully, lowering herself to Mary’s level. She feigned shock at the photo and it's spicy caption.

“Wow, Maryushka, didn’t know you were so _scandalous_ ”

Mary’s phone vibrated, and that snapped her out of her anxiety fueled stupor.

_New Photo Message From Saucy Sonya_

Mary opened the message hastily. It was of Sonya’s face. She looked just as surprised as Mary felt. Her face was almost as red as her hair, and her hazel eyes were wide in shock. Her hair was messy, and she looked a little tired. _Holy shit babe wow i just woke up and my god you’re gorgeous but you don’t have to impress me._ Mary tapped again and it was another photo of Sonya, but she wasn’t surprised anymore, she was wearing a sleeveless orange button down dress, her hair up in a bun, and winged eyeliner, making her look more catlike than usual.

_Tfw your fiancée is being too sexy so you gotta step up your game._ Mary snorted, and snapped a photo of Hélène scrolling through her phone.

_It was this one that sent you that, not me, but how did you step up your game? You look amazing, but no different than usual._

 

It wasn’t until Mary and Hélène got into Hélène’s car, a predictably green corvette, that Mary opened up Sonya’s next message.

The top half of Sonya’s dress was unbuttoned, and under it was a pale pink, very lacy bra. One strap of it was hanging haphazardly off her freckled shoulder, and Mary’s face reddened in patches and she gulped nervously. _Here’s a sneak peek, I can’t wait to see you tonight._

Hélène let out a whistle as she looked over the younger woman’s shoulder. “Wow, you are gonna get it tonight, Mary!” Hélène shouted, punching her in the arm playfully.

“Yes, I guess I am, but how am I going to get through family dinner tonight, when I know Sonyushka has that on?!”

“That’s a question to ask Marya, darling,” Hélène said, winking impishly.

“Why her? That’s her goddaughter!.”

“No, Sonya isn’t her goddaughter, and she could give you some tips on how to control yourself. Have you ever seen her be overly affectionate with me when sweet little Nikolay is over?” Hélène cocked her head to the side, smirking slightly.

“No, you guys barely kiss when he’s over.” Hélène laughed heartily, and Mary grew confused.

“Darling, I tempt that woman so many times, and she just blocks me out. I still don’t know how she does it.” Hélène huffed and pulled out of the parking space, driving in the direction of Marya Dmitrievna’s house for Sunday dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading! Follow me @mx-indie on tumblr, and give me ideas. Also comment for more chapters, it helps me improve my writing


	2. Sunday Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marya Dmitrievna loved Sundays and kept them by going to church, talking to the local church mouse, and going home to her beautiful girlfriend.  
> //brief mention of violence, implied abuse, and a lil bit of Marlene spiciness.  
> Also a prequel to last chapter if you didn't already figure that out. We'll get back to the spicy Sonyamary tomorrow, I promise.

Marya Dmitrievna loved Sundays and knew how to keep them. In the morning, she would wake up next to her beautiful girlfriend, immediately get out of bed, and make herself a cup of tea. She would then get ready for the day, taking special care to not wake the demon that seemed to possess Helene before 10 AM. She would leave her home at dawn for church, walking if the weather was nice, and driving in rain and snow. She would get there and immediately walk past the gaggle of women that gathered, utilizing their time in the Lord’s house gossiping instead of praising Him. Marya always glared at them for a bit, then continued on to meet Mary Bolkonskaya, who was almost always hanging around the back of the church, unwilling to make eye contact with anything besides her shoes. Marya cleared her throat, which made the timid girl jump.

 

“Good morning Mary, how are you doing?”

Mary regained her composure, taking a deep breath, and her eyes met Marya’s eyebrows.

 

“Quite well, Ms. Ahkrosimova, and you? How’s Helene?

A small smirk broke its way through Marya’s sober expression at the mention of her girlfriend.

 

“I’m also well, and Lenya is still sleeping, per usual, but I’ll get her up when I get home. Please, call me Marya, we’re too familiar for the cold nature of surnames, don’t you agree?”

 

“Y-Yes, I do. Am I still invited to dinner tonight? Because if not I can always-”

 

“Of course you are!” Marya’s voice boomed and reverberated through the church, making Mary shrink into herself more than she was already.

“You are always welcome in my home, you’re engaged to Sonyushka, and Lenya adores you so. How is Sonya? I haven’t spoken to her recently.”

 

“She is doing very well, she moved all of her things out of her old apartment and she’s trying to convince me to get a cat, but if I can hold out until her birthday, then I might be able to surprise her with one.”

Marya chuckled at the way Mary’s large grey eyes lit up whenever she talked about her fiancée. It warmed her heart to see such beautiful young love right in front of her, especially between such sweet young women.

 

“How’s Nikolay? I haven’t seen the little rascal in a week!”

 

“He’s designing his room in my apartment now, he wants blue walls with a pirate ship on them, because pirates are his new obsession, and he is doing very well in school right now. We’re all so proud of him.”

 

“How has he been feeling about his grandfather?”

Mary deflated a little bit, and dropped her eye contact to the wall next to Marya as she spoke.

 

“He’s been taking it very well. He says that he couldn’t miss his grandpa if he’s the reason that Sonya did... what she did, the reason that I flinch whenever someone makes a loud noise, and the reason that his dad has nightmares almost every night. I told him it’s not nice to disrespect the dead and he reminded me of the scars that I got from him. I really wish I hadn’t told him about that,” Mary bowed her head in shame. Marya raised her eyebrow, looking quizzically at the girl.

 

“What your father did was despicable, and I’m glad he’s gone. You can live your life how you wish now, Marya, and _nobody_ can take that freedom from you, especially an old dead fool, God rest his soul.” She finished sarcastically.

 

And with that sentiment, they parted ways to listen to the Priest’s sermon for the day, before heading home.

 

Marya woke up Helene with her usual in bed breakfast of crepes and mimosas, to which Helene grumbled out her thanks from behind her mass of curly brown hair. Marya smiled widely, a rarity for her, and pushed the hair out of Helene’s face to reveal tired green eyes looking back at her. Marya sat down on the bed next to her, and Helene curled up next to her, laying her head down on the older woman’s shoulder. Marya cleared her throat.

 

“You’re gorgeous, Lenya. I still can’t believe I get to wake up next to you every morning.”

Helene smirked, and looked up at Marya, studying her face carefully before kissing her on the cheek.

 

“Masha, I love you. I can’t believe that I get all of this-” She sat up and leaned over Marya, slipping her hands onto her hips.

“-to myself, and it’s only 11, think of what we could do until the family gets here…” She trailed off, looking at Marya with that base and cringing smirk she was known for, before capturing her lips in a series of particularly heated kisses, all while straddling Marya. Once she pulled away, Marya sat up straight, shaking her head with a frown, and Helen rolled off of her, a little disheartened at the woman’s silent rejection. Marya broke the silence.

  
“We can’t. We have to clean the house and make the dinner before everyone arrives at six. Besides, didn’t you promise Mary that you would go out shopping with her?” 

Helene sighed.

 

“Can’t I just cancel with her and go next week? Another week in those god awful dresses isn’t going to kill her, and besides, she could always stay home with Sonya and-” Helene’s whining was cut off by her phone blaring out the chorus of Living On A Prayer by Bon Jovi as the words  _ Call From Lil Church Mouse  _ popped up on her screen, accompanied by a charming photo of Mary “smoking” an unlit cigarette. Helene accepted the call.

 

“Hi Lenya! I wanted to ask if we were still on for today, because it’s okay if you don’t want to come, I’ll understand...” Mary started excitedly, but trailed off sadly at the end. Helene’s heart broke at her somber tone.

 

“Mary, of course we’re still on, I’ll come get you in thirty minutes. Are you at Sonya’s? Or are you at your own apartment?”

 

“My own. Of course it’s almost hers too, but the lease doesn’t expire for another two weeks. We have a lot to talk about, Lenya. I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

“Alright, goodbye Mary.”

Helene hung up, and turned around to a smirking Marya. Helene narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

 

“So much for ‘Can’t I just cancel with her and go next week’” Marya mimicked Helene in a mocking voice, then chuckled loudly.

 

“Oh shut up, she sounded sad and I want to take her shopping. I know it always makes me feel better.”

 

“Only if you aren’t spending your own money.” Marya quipped. 

 

“I am  _ offended  _ Marya. This is my money, I just happened to get it from my ex-husband because he still feels bad for trying to bash Tolya’s brains in, even though that happened almost two years ago. Darling, Pierre’s guilt will last forever, and I’ll never be poor!” Helene exclaimed, her voice heavy with malice. 

 

“Well, you better run along and get ready, or you’ll keep poor Marya waiting.”

 

“Very well.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please comment, it helps me improve my writing. If you have thoughts on what I could write future chapters on, then hit me up @mx-indie on tumblr.


	3. Knee Socks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helene helps Mary get ready for dinner, and the spiciness gets real
> 
> //lil bit of sexy talk, abusive speech/intrusive thoughts, saltiness towards Pierre
> 
> Also a lil russian for pet names in this chapter:  
> -Myshka is "Little mouse"  
> -Koshka is "Kitten"

Mary and Hélène pulled up to the driveway of Marya’s large, stately home. It was just after six, and there were two cars parked in there already. A pristine white corvette that was identical to Hélène’s, save for the color, and a slightly worn yellow Prius that had an embarrassingly large Tolstoy bumper sticker on the back window. 

 

“Oh look, Tolya’s here already….and so is Pierre. How  _ wonderful _ ,” Hélène spat out the last word, as if it were poison.

 

“Be nice, Lenya. Pierre’s already apologized, and you don’t want to start a fight in front of Nikolay, right?” Mary looked over at Hélène with her head cocked to the side, as she flashed a sweet smile in an attempt to diffuse Hélène's anger. The older woman glared at her, then sighed.

 

“Of course. Don’t want him to be mad at me for being mean to his papa.” Hélène said, the last of her bitterness leaving her voice.

 

They both got out of the car, rushing into the house before anyone else could arrive. They ran right past all the guests there already, carrying Mary’s new clothes into Sonya’s old bedroom. Hélène carefully put together a few outfits on the bed, and threw the bag of lingerie at Mary. Mary clumsily caught it, then retreated to the adjoining bathroom to put the underthings on. She looked inside the bag, and noticed an extra item inside. 

“Hélène, what’s this?” She said, peeking out of the bathroom.

 

“Just some knee socks, darling. I bought them for you, I thought they would look great and make the whole look a bit softer, a bit more  _ you _ .”

 

“But why knee socks?” Mary asked obliviously.

 

“Because I don’t know any girl who isn’t a complete  _ slut  _ for the whole knee sock and sweater combination, and all the outfits I have out for you have sweaters,” Hélène answered, laughing wryly at how progressively redder Mary’s face was getting.

 

“Are you trying to kill Sonya? Because she’s going to walk through the door with Nikolay and  _ die,  _ Hélène!” Mary shouted indignantly, gesturing wildly to the bag and outfits

“Or she’ll walk through the door, see you, then proceed to screw you on the dinner table right then and there,” Hélène retorted with a wild grin.

 

“So I’ll be inconveniencing Marya, in addition to scarring Nikolay for life, good to know,” Mary sunk down to the floor of the bedroom, bag still in hand.

 

“That probably won’t happen, I know you and Sonya both have self control. You need to go put on your lingerie, Mary.  _ Don’t _ keep me waiting.” Hélène jokingly sneered as the young woman high tailed it to the bathroom, and emerged a few seconds later in her grey bralette, boyshorts, and knee socks, still thoroughly flustered by her own immodesty. She was holding her church dress in her arms, as it was the only dress Hélène would let her keep. Hélène stood up and gently took the dress from her, folding it on the bed, before motioning to the new outfits with a flourish. Now that the dress wasn't covering her, Mary flushed and held her arms over her bralette and midriff in a futile attempt to cover up.

 

“I actually like the this one most, but you get to pick which one you go to dinner in, darling.” Hélène pointed to the outfit closest to her. It consisted of a white off the shoulder sweater, which had a floral print, a black miniskirt , and some mid length black heeled boots. Mary’s eyes grew wide, a little apprehensive at how different this was from her usual plain frocks, but she smiled widely and looked up at Hélène.

 

“I’ll trust you. If you think this one is the best, then I’ll wear it!” Mary exclaimed with a rare mischievous grin. 

 

As Mary finished braiding her hair, she looked at herself in the mirror. The straps of her bralette were peeking out of her sweater teasing the lingerie she wore underneath, while the miniskirt revealed  _ way  _ more skin than Mary was used to. She could almost hear her father screaming at her.  _ Go upstairs and change right now, Marya. You look like a tramp, and no daughter of mine will wear anything like that, especially not to go see that Ginger Devil. You think she'll be impressed by you? Quite the opposite, girl. You’ll scare her away with how ugly you are, what will you have then, Marya? Nothing. You will rot he- _

 

“I WILL NOT!” Mary screamed at the mirror. Hélène had already left to go help Marya with dinner, and Mary was thankful for that. Nobody should have to witness her screaming at her own memories. She took a deep breath, then took a few wobbly steps out of Sonya’s room, and right into a startled Sonya.

 

“Oof, sorry Myshka, I’ll be a bit more careful next time…” Sonya trailed off as she looked Mary over, her wide hazel eyes alight with admiration. She became flustered, her face growing steadily more scarlet. Mary found an ounce of confidence and winked at an already flustered Sonya, while she grabbed onto the door frame in an attempt to steady herself.

 

“No, I’m sorry, Koshka, I’ll watch where I’m walking,” Mary said with an uncommon, but alluring husk in her voice.

 

Sonya regained her composure, and got that lopsided smirk on her face, the one she had when she was up to no good. She took a step towards Mary, closing the space between them, and placed her hands on the taller woman's hips to pull her closer until their faces were inches apart.

 

“You look so good, I could just rip that sweater off-” Sonya’s flirtation was cut off by rapidly approaching footsteps, as the pair whipped around to see who it was.

 

“AUNT MARY!” screeched Nikolay, as the boy launched himself onto Mary in a bear hug. Mary got down on her knees to his eye level, so he could give her a proper bear hug, one that almost knocked the wind out of her.

 

“Oh, hello Niko, how was your day?” She inquired excitedly, smoothing down his dark, incredibly messy hair.

 

“It was so fun! Aunt Sonny took me to the zoo and I got to look at the penguins, and they are so cool, they walk like this,” He rambled on, taking a break to waddle in a pretty good impression of a penguin. He stopped talking after a bit and looked at Mary’s clothes, frowning slightly.

 

“Why are you dressed like that? You look like you stole from Aunt Lenny’s closet!” He said with a mocking giggle. Sonya ruffled his hair, much to her fiancée’s dismay.

 

“Don’t make fun of her Niko. She looks pretty, doesn’t she? Aunt Lenny helped her pick it out.” She said, her face growing flushed. Nikolay hung his head slightly in shame, much in the same way Mary did when she felt bad for saying something.

 

“I’m not sure, it's really...different, she's so much taller looking. Do you think she's pretty, Aunt Sonny?”

Nikolay looked up at Sonya with wide eyes.

 

“Yes, definitely. Really pretty,” Sonya said with a wink, biting her lip slightly, looking Mary right in the eye.

Mary’s loose grip on the door frame tightened, her knuckles turning white. She broke eye contact with Sonya, looking down at Nikolay, who was busy fidgeting with his sleeves. The air grew thick with tension, and Mary was finding it difficult to breathe. Her heart was beating so quickly. She could hear Sonya breathing steadily, and could feel her gaze burning into her. 

 

“Sonyushka, Masha, Kolya! Dinner is ready!” boomed the older woman’s voice from the other room, cutting the tension in the room like a knife.

 

“Coming!” Mary yelled in response.

 

As Nikolay bounded off in the direction of the dining room, Sonya leaned into Mary’s ear.

 

“Oh you’ll be coming, alright. But not until after dinner.” She whispered, grinning impishly. She offered her hand to Mary, who took it hesitantly, and they walked down the hall together. 

 

Mary sighed, face flushed in splotches. Self control was going to be way more difficult than she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, hit me up on Tumblr @mx-indie, and please leave a comment, it helps my writing.


	4. Sunday Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner at Marya D's house goes off the rails. Cue spicyness and some angst, but thank god for Nikolay jfc
> 
> //PTSD flashbacks, almost smutty spiciness, self harm mention, suicide attempt mention  
> I'm sorry that I tortured our girls, but I'll get spicier later.

Marya Dmitrievna kept her family dinners more strictly than she kept her Sunday mornings. Everything and everyone had its place. Marya would start cooking around five-o’clock, usually assisted by either Mary or Natasha. She would serve the dinner on her good china, and everyone had their spot at the table. Marya and Hélène sat at the ends, as they were the mistresses of the house. On Hélène’s right, sat Anatole, Andrey, Mary, and Pierre. Pierre was seated as far as humanly possible from Hélène, as Marya didn’t particularly trust her girlfriend not to stab her ex-husband with a butter knife. On Marya’s right, Natasha, Sonya, Nikolay, and Fedya were seated. This arrangement was best, as all the couples sat across from each other, minimizing the PDA during dinner in an attempt to spare Nikolay’s innocence, because she wasn’t certain that either of the Kuragin siblings knew how to keep their hands to themselves, especially around Fedya and herself. Even though she trusted Andrey and Pierre to have some decency around their child, she still placed Mary between them, trusting the timid girl’s presence would discourage any possible shenanigans. 

 

This dinner was no exception. The lamb pelmeni were finished on time with Natasha’s help, and laid out on the table, along with different sauces for the dumplings, napkins, and a bottle of red wine for the adults. Anatole helped Helene set the table, and soon enough, almost everyone was at the table. Almost everyone, as Mary, Sonya, and Nikolay were nowhere to be seen.

 

Marya grew agitated at their tardiness and bellowed out.

 

“Sonyushka, Masha, Kolya! Dinner is ready!” The older woman beckoned loudly.

 

A series of loud, quick footfalls announced the young Bolkonsky, who sprinted towards the seat next to Fedya’s, and landing in the chair with an unceremonious thump. Marya cocked her eyebrow at the boy, who shrank in his seat with unease.

 

“Nikolay Andrevitch, what did I say about running in the house?” Marya thundered with a low, warning tone.

 

“Sorry, Aunt Marya, I just smelled the pelmeni and got really excited. They just taste SO good!” He exclaimed, face lighting up with excitement.

 

With a slow shuffle, Mary and Sonya entered the dining room hand in hand. Both of the girls’ faces were flushed, and by the way Mary ducked her head to avoid Sonya’s gaze, and the way Helene smirked as she sipped her wine, Marya knew something was up. 

 

Nevertheless, after a short prayer, the family dug into their dinner. The small din of conversation began. Helene, Dolokhov, and Anatole made their plans to go out to the club, Pierre and Marya got into some kind of debate over existential philosophy, Andrey and his son were talking about Niko’s weekend with his aunts, and Mary sat silently, eyes on her wine glass, in order to keep from looking at Sonya. Sonya’s whispered words still rang in Mary’s ears, and her face grew hot just thinking about the smirk she must have had on her face as she said it.  _ Oh you’ll be coming, alright. But not until after dinner.  _ Mary’s phone buzzed in her lap, startling her slightly. She turned the phone over, looking at the screen.

_ New text from Koshka <3 _

Mary looked up at Sonya, who met her gaze immediately. She winked slyly, and flashed that lopsided grin at Mary, who narrowed her eyes and looked back at her phone, opening the message.

_ Koshka <3: Your so hot right now, I can’t wait to get you home, throw you on the bed, and make you come so hard you see stars  _

Mary almost choked on her pelmeni. She then smirked slightly, and sent a reply in attempt to defuse the mounting tension between her and her fiancée.

Sonya’s phone lit up with a  _ ding _ and Sonya looked down at it.

_ My Favorite Person: How will you do that? Aren’t your wrist muscles in bad shape right now? The doctor said not to strain yourself. _

Sonya looked down at her forearms, and her face fell at the sight of the scars that she had forgotten about until now, before shaking off the negativity, and slapping on a wide, albeit slightly fake smirk. 

Mary’s phone vibrated. She took a sip of her wine as she read the message.

_ Koshka <3: who said I was gonna use my hands ;) _

Mary’s face dropped, and she almost spat out her wine in surprise. Sonya chortled, making Mary look up at her. Normally, she looked at Sonya appreciatively, eyes skimming over her auburn bangs, her catlike hazel eyes, the freckles scattered across her gorgeous cheekbones like stars in the sky, before turning her gaze towards the younger woman’s mouth. That evening in particular, she looked at Sonya longingly.  Her mind flickered to late nights with her, how her eyes grew dark with desire as she nipped and sucked at Mary’s skin until marks of pink, purple, and yellow bloomed on her translucent skin, and how her fiery fringe clung to her forehead with sweat as she struggled to form words other than  _ Mashenka, please!  _ and increasingly incoherent swearing, as Mary’s head settled between her thighs, kissing and gently biting the skin there teasingly _. _

 

Every second she kept staring at her, Mary’s heart beat faster, and heat began to pool low in her stomach. Mary looked at every inch of Sonya, in search of reprieve from this feeling of need, but couldn’t find it. Sonya chuckled quietly to herself at Mary’s splotchy blushing, and picked up her wine glass to take a drink smugly. Mary’s gaze shifted onto the crooked, dark pink scar running up the length of Sonya’s arm as she picked up the glass, snapping her out of her lust filled trance, her mind replacing her salacious nights with Sonya, for a terrifying.

 

Her mind filled with the sounds of Sonya’s hurried and shallow breaths as she went into shock on the bathroom floor, her pajama pants staining with the pools of blood on the tile, a razor in the middle of it, a flash of silver in this sea of crimson.  _ Masha, I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to see me like this.  _  Mary’s stomach turned, growing nauseous at the defeat and shame in her voice. She could almost feel the blood soaking into her white sweater as she tried in vain to stop the bleeding. There was so much blood. Her head pounded with this flashback, and she felt nauseous. She shook her head, and her breathing became ragged. 

 

Andrey, noticing this sharp change, ceased his conversation with his son and turned towards Mary. His eyebrows were furrowed in concern, and he gingerly rested his hand on her shoulder, which made her jump. Her eyes met his, and her surrounding shifted around her. The suffocatingly warm light of the bathroom in Sonya’s old apartment morphed into the sterile florescent lights of a hospital waiting room, the distant hums and electronic beeps of machines thrumming violently in her ears while the doctor’s words echoed around her.  _ She’s in surgery right now, both forearms have several muscles severed in them, and we believe she might be under the influence of pain medication, because we haven’t seen any scars of past self-harm on her. She has a good chance of surviving surgery, but we’ll have to transfer her into the psych ward, or there will possibly be another attempt. _ Tears choked Mary, threatening to spill over as she thought of all of this happening again. Andrey squeezed her hand, and spoke gently.  _ Masha, she’s going to be alright. Don’t tear yourself up over it, without you she would be dead.  _ Mary started sobbing violently, dropping her head into her hands, unable to move or speak.

 

Sonya bolted up from her seat at the table, and attempted to rush to Mary’s side, before being stopped by Andrey. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” He said, his stern voice cracking with worry. Anger began to bubble under Sonya’s skin. She clenched her fists.

 

“Why not? She’s crying. Andrey, someone needs to help her!” Sonya exclaimed, her frantic voice growing so loud, it overpowered Marya’s intellectual bellowing. Everyone turned their attention to Mary. Helene’s eyes grew wide in fear as she sat helplessly, unsure of what to do. Marya’s face grew somber as she watched all of this fear at her table. Natasha and Pierre exchanged glances, knowing what was going on. Andrey’s nightmares and flashbacks made sure of that. Anatole and Fedya ate their pelmeni silently, uncertain if they could help without Sonya snapping at them. Nikolay was uncommonly calm, looking at Mary with a frown that was quite similar to the one his father wore when he was concerned.

 

“Sonya, she’s been mumbling for the past two minutes, and it’s mostly been about you and ‘so much blood’, so I don’t think her seeing you would be the best right now,” Andrey tried to break this as gently as possible.

 

Sonya’s anger turned into horror as she realized what was happening to her. Mary briefly looked past Andrey, and right into Sonya’s eyes, and her sobbing grew louder, and she buried her face into her sweater sleeves. Sonya turned around and sat back down in her seat, glumly resting her head in her hands. Everyone grew paralyzed, unsure of how to help either of the women.

 

To everyone’s surprise, Nikolay stood up, and walked around to Mary’s side calmly. He took her trembling hand in his small one and she looked up at him, tears streaming down her blotchy cheeks. He brought himself down to Mary’s eye level.  

“Aunt Mary, can you come with me? I think you need to go somewhere quiet. It always helps Dad calm down when he gets like this,” He said, worry in his eyes, but keeping his voice soft and calm. Mary nodded shakily, and Nikolay pulled her to her feet and lead her out into the living room. Everyone let out a collective exhale. Pierre grew confused. 

 

“What just happened?”

A rare, pride filled smile cracked through Andrey’s face.

 

“I’m not sure, but I’m glad he’s taking after Mary rather than his namesake, aren’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always hmu @mx-indie on Tumblr. Please comment, and possibly curse me out for hurting our girls bc I'm cruel af.  
> Also happy turkey day to the americans out there


	5. The Long Road Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After dinner, Mary and Sonya head home. Angst happens but I stg the ending is kinda fluffy
> 
> //Suicide mention, flashback mention, abuse mention
> 
> Sorry for the short chapter y'all. But the spiciness is almost here

Sonya drove Mary and herself home that night in her small grey Prius. Marya had excused them from dinner after Mary’s flashback, shoving a small tub of uncooked pelmeni into Sonya’s arms as she was about to walk out of Marya’s home. The car ride was uncomfortably quiet. Mary was quietly scrolling through her phone, her usually bright, grey eyes now dark and tired. She shrunk into her seat, avoiding looking at Sonya as much as possible. Sonya was equally as distraught, chewing on her lip nervously as she drove, trying her hardest to hold back tears. She had just run through a red light for the second time, when Mary turned to her, slightly startled. She spoke softly, with a slight stutter.

 

“Koshka, a- are you alright? You’re driving like... Natasha, and I- I know you only do this when you-” 

 

“I’m fine, Marya!” Sonya shouted lowly, as she felt tears begin to run down her cheeks.

Mary looked down at her lap, wincing at how Sonya said her name. She almost never called her Marya, but when she did, she was upset. She had called her that the entire day before she tried to- No, Mary couldn’t think about that again. She blamed herself. Maybe Sonya wouldn’t be ignoring her if she hadn’t had a flashback, maybe she didn’t love her anymore. Mary’s head was swimming, and by the time they got back to Mary’s apartment, neither of them had spoken, looked, or acknowledged each other in any way. While they were both in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Mary spoke up shakily.

 

“S-Sonya, you have t-to talk to me. I know what happened at Marya’s house, made y-you upset, but I don’t know why, and I don’t want to go to b-bed like this.” Sonya sighed, and turned to Mary, looking her in the eye

 

“Mary, I’m not upset with you. I’m disgusted by myself. I don’t think you deserve awful people in your life, and I’m the worst. We shouldn’t get married.”

Mary’s eyes widened in disbelief, and she shook her head.

 

“You aren’t the worst, Sofia. I love you, and I want to get married to you, and nothing that happened today is going to change that,” Mary said softly, wrapping her arms around Sonya’s middle, and laying her head on her shoulder. 

 

“But I am. I am just as awful and evil as your dad. I hurt you! I made you relive my suicide attempt, how is that not awful?!” Sonya shrieked, shrugged Mary off of her, and moving to sit on the edge of their bathtub. She dropped her head into her hands and started to sob quietly. Mary sat next to her, rubbing her back as she cried. She sighed and spoke gently to her.

 

“My father was a sick man. I still have memories of when he would hurt me, or scream at me, and that’s awful. But have you ever screamed at me, or said anything awful about me? No. Have you ever laid a hand on me? Again, no. The only time you have ever scared me was when you tried to leave, and even then you went out of your way to make sure I couldn’t find you like that. You try so hard not to hurt me, and I know you think I’m upset and don’t want to be with you. But you are so wrong, Sofia. You have treated me better than anyone else has, never forget that. Let’s get you to bed.”

 

Sonya nodded, still dodging eye contact with Mary. Mary stood up and pulled Sonya to her feet, and led her into their bedroom. Sonya collapsed onto the bed, her red hair fanning out across the pillow. Mary took out her braid and got into bed. Even though they were only a foot apart, it seemed like they were so distant, looking away from each other. Mary sighed, moving to face Sonya.

 

“Sonyushka, are you still awake?” She whispered. There was a pause before Sonya responded.

 

“Mhm,” She mumbled sleepily, shifting slightly. Mary crawled across the bed and laid a few inches away from the younger woman. She hovered her arm just above Sonya’s waist. 

 

“Can I hold you?” Mary murmured in her ear.

 

“Sure,” Sonya muttered sadly. She felt Mary pull her closer, looping an arm around her waist in a tighter-than-usual grip. Mary pressed a kiss to the shell of the ginger’s ear.

 

“I love you, Sonya. I always will.”

 

“Love you too, Masha”

And with that sentiment, both women drifted off, Sonya tightly nestled in Mary’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always hmu @mx-indie. Leave comments pls, they help a lot


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